Goal setting the kind way – moving beyond resolutions to real change

New year’s resolutions often fail. This can be for many reasons, but usually it’s because our focus is far too invested on the outcome, rather than how we might actually deliver the change.

We forget to consider how busy we might be, or how unpredictable life can be, we set goals that have no contingency plan and are often too rigid to bend with the complexities of real life.

We can take a kinder approach to goal-setting that will enable you to move from resolution to real change this year.

We aren’t talking about lowering standards or ambitions, just creating goals that are human, flexible and aligned with who you are, not who you think you should be at this time.

This approach simply focuses on removing judgement and blame and replacing those negative things with a little self-reflection.

You can start by asking yourself:

·      What matters to me right now?

·      What do I need more of this year?

·      How do I want to feel in this new chapter?

If we anchor our goals to our values and our well-being, they are more likely to stick.

Instead of setting a resolution, why not try setting an intention instead?

It might look something like this:

‘I want to be more productive this year”

This is a resolution – it’s a statement that casts aspersions on last year’s productivity, without explaining what that might look like or how it will be delivered.

Instead, we could say:

“This year I want to work in a different way. I would like to be more focused, balanced and sustainable in my approach”

Setting an intention, with a plan of what that might look like to you allows for learning, adjustment and growth, without harsh and critical self-talk that can derail our progress.

Here are some practical and kind ways to set goals:

1. Progress, not perfection: Rome wasn’t built in a day, we need to allow ourselves time to create change. Take small, but consistent steps and celebrate even modest progress.

2. Stay Fluid: Setting rigid goals allows no room for manoeuvre and you are setting yourself up to fail. Life changes and your goals should be able to flex and change with it. Flexibility is about responsiveness, not failure.

3. Check-in: Self-reflect regularly – ask yourself what is working and what isn’t, reassess and reevaluate if necessary to keep on track

4. Be kind to yourself: Encourage yourself with kindness, there are always setbacks along the way – see these as key learnings and part of growth, not failure.

5. Ask for support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support if you are struggling or feeling like you are losing your way – reflection, training, coaching, kind words from a friend can all bring clarity, perspective and encouragement.

Using coaching to support sustainable change

We aren’t all lucky enough to be surrounded by people to help us flourish, but a one-to-one coach can be a powerful tool to offer reflective practice and support goals in a non-judgmental way.

Rather than focusing on outcomes, coaching can help uncover:

1.        What’s motivating you to achieve this goal

2.        What might be holding you back

3.        How to move forward in a way that feels authentic and achievable

Working with a coach in this way can transform goal-setting from feeling solitary and isolated, to a team event working together to get you to where you want to be.

Let your New Year begin with kindness, curiosity and intention, not demands, pressure and deadlines.

By setting goals that honour both ambition and wellbeing, we create the conditions for change that lasts — not just for January, but for the year ahead.